Edge of death

I was fetching four of my friends for dinner at Sushi Zanmai just now. In the midst of driving, I was about to cross an intersection of a main road, to the road in front. The traffic was so massive that I've not enough patient to wait until the probability ties at its maximum, therefore I cross the road, three row of it. I success at the first and second, but when I crossed the third, there was a car driving very fast towards me. I swear it almost hit me, just 2 seconds earlier before I crossed the road. It was so fucking scary and made me felt that I almost lost my life. Shook my spine & froze my heart. 

I blame myself so much, till the second I typed this out. How could I risk my own life, moreover the life of people who I love and love me so much, just because I don't have enough patient to make an assurance cross? This is fucking irresponsible. Why could I have done this? Guiltiness gushed up to me since I've made that decision. I put everyone I love at the edge of death, I made them went through unnecessary fear. Yet they didn't put the blame on me, instead they keep on reminding me to drive carefully since I'm alone on my way back. 

People who love me so much, get treated by me this way. I'm so selfish. I hate myself for risking their life. I hate it when it's my own fault but people don't blame me. They should have, but they didn't. I can see how much fear they had at the moment, my gf who's sitting beside me hold my hand tightly as we were going to die together, all because of my act on impulse. I don't even know how to describe my feeling right now, the only thing I know is, I HATE MYSELF. 

But still, thank god for saving all of us. Thank god that the car slowed itself down in order not to hit me. Thank god for giving me a chance to make things better next time. Thank god for having people who love me around me. I thereafter promised, I will not risk any precious life with my stupid idiot impromptu decision just because I'm impatient. Thank you god for having me here right now, thank you for granting me an opportunity to love my friends even more. I sincerely think I'm the luckiest people on Earth who don't deserve all the loves, mercy and protection. 

Thank you. 

Faded love?

I'm so fucked up now, by all the thoughts that flow into my brain uncontrollably. I said NO but they did without permission. I don't know why... like they just fucking did.  

I was thinking why guys who decided to dump their gf without reason want to have them at the first place? If its for fun, why not prefer playing roller coaster at Genting? What do you guys think love is? How do you actually define love? Do you even sure that you really love that girl when you are in the relationship with her? But if love exist, why do it faded away with a speed of lightning? Why didn't you try your best to save the relationship? Why do you said break up just because it faded? And how possibly that you, HURT A GIRL THAT YOU USED TO TELL YOURSELVES YOU "LOVE" HER VERY MUCH? How can the amount of love that you used to put in in a girl faded so quickly, so much, just in a short period? Explain. 

It's even funny how you used to said she is irreplaceable but has now being replaced by a girl, you met shortly just in a few weeks. 

What does promises meant to guys? 

If you don't meant to make it, what for said it at the first place?

Why is it you are the one who monopolize this whole situation even you used to said you love her more than she loves you? Why it is you are the one who left her without notifying, like you used to burst into her life without permission too? 

Why is it you are the one who gave her the most of the best memories in her life, but also the one who made her mentally broke down in the end? 

If you said she's too inconsiderate, intolerable or she has the weirdest temper on Earth, why can you tolerate for a period but then decided not to tolerate with it anymore? Isn't it just an excuse to make yourself feel less guilty about your sin? 

Tell me how cruel you can be, to make her life this miserable, to make her cry every time she thinks about you, to make her upset on her own, to leave her alone when she needs you the most?

Just because love faded?

 

Do you tell your parents that you wanna broke them up when your love to them faded? Or in different way, do your parent even tell you they don't love you as much as they used to be and they feel like broke up with you just to let you feel hurtless, yes? No. 

Because I don't think love is something that can fades so easily. I never feel any of my love-relationships to everyone around me has ever fade. It's either they hurt me and I started to feel upset about it, or they did something to disappoint me. Else, in which way love should be fading? I don't get it. 

Have you ever thought of it - this love didn't even exist at all? 

Explain again.  

Mobile blogging

Hello I'm here again ^.^ 

Mainly because I'm bored and I don't want to study anymore TT Somebody save me out of here can? Been spending most of the Raya holidays studying and I only managed to catch up with my friend once for 3 hours? This is so petrifying how can my life went this boring TT 

Btw I'm back to blog again because I realized that we can actually blogged thru our mobile phone. Like seriously, I think I haven't been sitting in front of pc for half a year already, because everything that can be done at pc has now transfer into a phone, which I think it's good at some point cause I hate sitting in front of a pc for too long, except when I was watching tv series lah. But recently my bro bought a cable where it can connect the pc to the tv, so we can watch any dramas or movies on a bigger screen, and it makes me even don't have any chance to sit in front of pc! I'm sooooo happy about that.

I have nothing specific to share actually, but I'm very happy because I can blog again lah. It's been sometime since I last blogged, cause I find it very hard to spend time blogging since my college has started. Furthermore, blogging with photos required so many steps, u know right, have to sync photos into the pc, then upload, then wait, then this and that. I dislike all these mahuan works very much. But thru mobile blogging, it didn't even waste your time cause u can direct upload photo from your phone. So far it works quite well for iPhone. Now that I can even select the size of photos I want them to be, this is so great! 😎

So I guess I'll be blogging as frequent as I can! I'm not doing this for any sake, it's purely because I take this as my hobby already, to spend more leisure time typing out my life, might as well relates to yours? 

Ok end of the story. Now I show you photos taken with my phone. Wait!! I found out every photos uploaded to this blog will eventually appeared on my google+ profile. There's quite a lot of ugly photos on there which I haven't deleted but I also hope you all don't go and view la pls 😭

Cause when I said ugly, it must be REALLY UGLY. 😭

Tadaaaa this is the screen of my phone! Cute or not? It's ok I think I'll be the only one who thinks this is cute..... but who cares? I DONT CARE I LOVE IT *twerks*

This is us on the odyssey night, my college doesn't run prom. Its just all student sitting in the hall watching the prom competition. A bit lousy hor? But I'm happy cause everyone's looking great right ^.^ 

 

This is us on Chun Wei's birthday party. Everyone has so much fun on that night and we had alcohol as well cause its 18th birthday right, legal already lah! 😝 

A kid who won four champion in wushu competition, I'm glad he still remembered me. He is cute right ^.^ But excuse me, I don't look good here. 

HAHAHAHA have to post a photo because my best gf bought me this. Wrong, supposed to be QUEUED and BOUGHT for me. I love her very much but unfortunately I don't like this stupid toys anymore I don't even know where are them now HAHA 

This is us celebrating our friend's birthday. So happy cause I think he liked the surprise we gave him. ^.^ 

Then this is me, yesterday before I sleep. Hahaha. 

Alright then see you guys in a bit. Battery dying at 3%. Bye :D 

Positivity

Ever since I went thru a broke up last year, I've learnt so much about positivity. About being positive will bring great things in the future. Being thankful and appreciate because one of the greatest thing that ever happened everyday is we woke up, being alive, and being alive means you have the opportunity to change all the bad things around you, to something better.

It's all these positivity can bring me here today, to make me not to give up on myself. I've always tell myself to hang in there in a little bit more cause things will all be great soon. No one can makes a rainbow, without a little rain. And with all the people who always stay with me despite every situations, I find no reason to give up on myself.

But WHAT IF...

What if the people who used to make you not to give up on yourself turn into the people who make you want to give up?

What if one day people who hates everyone to throw shits on you started to do the same things without realizing themselves are doing it?

What if u realized someone who you spend most of the happy time with are actually the one taking advantage on you?

Where every bad things instantly flow into your brain making all the negative thinking accumulated to a level that they're exploding very soon....?

I'm at a level of typing out all these things can make me feel like bury myself into a hole because yes, I'm mentally broke down.

What I've done to deserve this? I don't know. They said I'm kind, but I don't think so. I have this thing within that I can't refuse people, I called this coward. I'm completely ok with people who take advantages of me, cause I'm so used to ppl taking me for granted already, but with ppl who ignore my text, talking very rude to me, put me aside after they've done using me, it's so unbearable. The amount of hurt is not something u can imagine without experienced it. This is so hard to cope with. Some nights I'd just burst into tears thinking the way these people treated me despite all the effort I put in them, or our friendship.

This is nowhere saddening, and how would I heal over the deep gash I had in my heart?

But being a little positive,  every single shit I went thru, every single time I broke down, I realized that's even more love that I received. Every time I spammed a complaint to my best friends, they'd never failed to make me feel so loved, so blissful to have friends like them around.

Now I guessed I shall move on to be a better person and stay stronger in life. Things will all be greats soon. ;)

Lolol finished ranting so much then now can go study already. Today I have to put more effort on studies cause I've wasted so much time ranting and also I didn't study for the whole yesterday. Wish me luck! Xoxo

End it with my lazy face of ytd while I was lying comfortably on the sofa, too lazy to get my ass up to bed HAHAHA. Ended up watching 2 drama continuously until 2.30am. Bad ass is me :p

 

Bye loves! 

=D

I hate thinking of title cox it's so effing hard. Please fill it in yourself by using your imagination after reading this thanks.

Another thing I have in me is I hate rotting at home, like now. This weather is so damn hell killing and I still din't managed to get my license yet. I was told that JPJ closed on Saturday and Sunday, yet my agent just passed me my test card yesterday. I seriously want to go out and chill rather than staying at home facing my computer, since I've taken my 3 hours nap.

I really have nothing to do nowadays except going to work and playing with my dogs ... and also watch Running man LOL. I've also done buying all new clothes back in December cox I went to Bkk so now even if I went shopping, I basically just chill, walk around and looking for new shoes. I tell you I'll never stop buying shoes cox I hate the moment when I got unsatisfied with my shoes color, so damn annoying. Even I've  already more than 20 shoes I still won't stop buying new shoes. I'll never get enough with shoes.

Speaking about this, there's one thing came across my mind yesterday night, I hope to buy the F21 stores in future if I'm rich enough. F21 is just simply ... amazing.

OK now some quick updates with photos. I'm bored with words already wtf lol.

Somehow my dog got this super pity + naive face like every night when I went to say good night to her she stared pitifully at me, I feel so wrong for letting her to sleep alone. 

  

Random flowers and rubbish behind lolol.

Wah this face look so damn disdusting without make up I self see also want puke already. Why I look so young *ahemm* childish actually in this photo. 

Nikita came over my house back in November I think so we took damn lot of photos. Wtf initially I pinned up my fringe one, then this Niki showed off her long fringe she said: "Che che SEEE *showing her fringe* My hair longer than you. Haha. " Wah I got teased so I put it down then I said: "YOU SEEEE. Che che also got what. Hehe. " So we end up taking resemble photos lolol.

My family and I on a vacation to Cameron Highland to chill and enjoy the weather there during my trial exam. Hahaha I'm probably the chio-est student who still go for a vacation during exam.



Taadaa. We're at the border of Perak and Pahang. Feel so refreshing and I love the breeze in the jungle I want to go again like nowwww. Here's lack of oxygen. T___T

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK so now I'm gonna post the photo I took on the graduation day. WTF I just checked my camera album and found out so many people (friends la actually, I got mad so I called them people) used my camera to capture photos. Seriously wtf, damn you all these people so damn thick-faces one ah? Use people camera also don't need ask one? Rude. If you tell me you don't have camera and you ask me to lend you I'll surely do. But you have to ask. No manners one seriously. No wonder before I headed back home some of them keep on asking me MUST MUST MUST post ALL PHOTOS on facebook. Wah bui pai seh x2. I'm not gonna post it forever. So damn er xin seeing my album without my face. (Not I bothered about this ah but I cannot tolerate with no mannered people.)

Another thing reminded me, I MUST MUST MUST complain hor. There's a person (classmate) so damn bui paiseh x1000. Thinking of it now still make my fire so big ah damnit.

Some of my friends randomly asked me to capture a photo for them, I agreed so this person came and offered to hold my camera. Wah I think she so damn kind I said thank you.

So after I took photos for others I saw one friend passed by and I want to have a photo with him/her so I quickly ran to that girl to get my camera, I SAW SHE ASKED OTHER PEOPLE TO TAKE PHOTOS of SHE AND HER FRIEND, WITH MY CAMERA. Right at the moment I just wanted to get my camera asap before my friend walked away, so I din't bothered too much, just went and said: "Quick my camera please *they was halfway taking photo*, QUICK CAMERA CAMERA."

Then you know she gave me what face or not?

*Damn it you think this camera is yours ah? You never see I'm halfway taking photo is it? Wait awhile can die ah? Selfish people* FACE.

I interpreted myself. Genius, Chen Yi.

WAH SERIOUSLY DAMN FUCKED UP. YES I OWNED THIS CAMERA. If not you think what? Yours ah? Lending you is my responsibility ah? If this happened to my sister like she took my things without my permission I'll also scold her one ok! You think what? I very kind you can bully me ah? As far as I know she owned a camera but she didn't wanted to bring it I guess because she scared she lost it. Maybe she thought it's heavy or she probably just want to save her camera battery, who knows? No manners. I didn't bothered much that time, but now thinking of it @#$%^&*()#$%^&* I don't want say already.

If you know who you are or you are reading this I hope you reflect yourself ok? I hope you'll have a better life in future with good attitude and I hope you'll be a well-mannered person when I saw you in future. I also want to thank you for portraying this action so I learnt to be more well-mannered to others in future. Thank you.

So now I'll start the photo speaking section. Yea you'll get to see my bare face. If you're now thank for this then, yes, you're welcome.  

With cutie pie Wan Joe. Lolol we sneak one on the ceremony and Hii we love Tiffany hehee. ^_^

My soul mate number 154489890023437. So apparently just an ugly girl that I can without in the world. 

............

........

....

..

Everything state above are cheat one, get it right, another side. Love x.x

Next I took a photo with a passer-by who help me to capture a photo JUST TO THANK HER AND LET HER FEEL LESS AWKWARD.  

Ok joking cox if she see this she's gonna kill me. It's not ok at all cox my face look uglier than hers. Couldn't be. Hahaha I love you too :DD

Sorry I've forgotten the name of this bui paiseh guy who photo-boomed us. Hahaha. Erm a second ago I just recalled his name lolol. Shun Yao. 

Lolol right now I'd just realized this funniest guy Zheng Zheng grew so tall already 0.0 

What izz up with my disgusted fringe that fall off?!!

Wah King Scout took a photo with me. Quick everyone, round of applause!!! In fact the guy who slept most in class. MOST, so round of applause again! :p

One with this pretty Han. Haha my skin flawless leh? =DD Non-edited one. Say you envy lah. :p

Thank you for being a nice table mate. Thank you for your somehow unfunny but still laughable jokes. Thank you for buying everyone nasi lemak and even carried those heavy packet of nasi lemak up to the third floor without a murmur. Thank you for explaining the theory of how insect moves with their longitudinal muscle and circular muscle. Thank you for the tips for exam. Thank you for teaching me to work with smart phone and computer (I damn suck at it). Thank you for jio-ed me to play dota and left four dead (refused tho I told you all I love Counter Strike what :p) Thank you for being an awesome and helpful friend. Thank you. :DD

LOL why this fallen off-fringe still never got back into position one? I said Get back now! Haha. Wah this guy damn wei da one, thank you for your ears, thank you listening the most annoying crying sound even you have phobia with it. So now phobia solved lah. See I damn kind right? :p

Don't know what's wrong with those people who like to photo-boomed a nice photo and ruined it.

Favorite guy on earth. Hahaha no lah. Best friend who shared the Fifa world cup fever back in 2012, and also the steady-est guy in the world haha, I'm grateful to have this friend around. Thank you.

YOU SEE THIS SRI PHOTO-BOOMED AGAIN. LOL. With Alan, also helpful and fun guy, my bus mate!

Bus mate 2. I tell you what, all these guys are the funniest person on Earth where they make me laughed the most at every moment we spent together. The left guy leh always talked about yellow stuff when we're young haha, the right Indian is a big fans of MU who has all time enthusiasm to football. 

I miss those time we spent on bus especially when we're so young, we sang, danced, fighted and poured water to an Indian girl hahaha. They also watched AV in the bus last time, once they showed me, and that was the first and only time I saw these stuff, sounds memorable lol. Everyone in my bus were just awesome shit jokers that make my day after every stressful school day. They once sang birthday song for me, like in 3/4 language on my 14th birthday. I'll remembered it forever, Thank you everyone.

Actually I want to put this photo as the last one cox people said: Hoh Liao Tim Deh (in Hokkien), if you know what I meant. Stepping into the 12th years of friendship, 8 years of classmate and maybe the same college again. Thank you for being a faithful friend and a good listener all the time. Thanks for being there for me. Thank you for the trust and faith you have within us. Thank you for everything even you've done nothing. I hope you have a brighter future and please, get on the track. Don't ever stuck on relationship problem, they're just young love. Keep fighting, you have my back. Sorry for annoying you all the time because this is what best friend is for ^_^ I'm thankful to have this friend around but Buddha I'm bored of this face already, are You trying to tell me this is a fated relationship? :p 

Then my all time BFF and part time gf. Haha things we do while we're young. Thank you for everything and even thankful for knowing his mum cox his mum is like the kindest person on Earth, I've learnt something from her. 

I told her BFF must be special so we took 2 photos hahaha. Special or not? =D

This photo-boomed Shun Yao which I just recalled his name few minutes ago. He's a God damn genius lol good luck in your future.

Another God damn genius classmate Swee Ying. I think she damn selfish cox she every time get number one in exams, never give people chances one lor. I also want to get number 1 ma. :p

My BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBF. See this pose also know our friendship not easy leh? =D Thank you so much for having this friend in my life. See you in a bit ^_^

Hahaha this one is also 12 yrs of friendship and more than 5 yrs of classmate and even our name has the same pronounce. Zheng Yi versus Chen Yi. Haha damn hate to be in the same class with him cox those teacher always messed up our name, like every time the teacher called, then people have to ask the girl or the guy one. 

Then Idk why I look so exhausted T__T With Pei Fen, she got a lot of hidden potential one. Few people know she actually gossips too haha.

Wahh this girl I damn love her smiley face one, like her smile so sweet can brighten everyone's day.

With the cute guy haha. Thank you for being a nice, kind and generous time. Also, thank you for passing me some driving skills the other day and I passed my car test. ^_^ Deng deng deng round of applause please. ^_^

I'll never managed to take proper photo with this girl so here's the properest one. Thank you too, for being helpful, if you want me to say you cute then you please.. wait long long. Haha I love you lah mwahh :* 

With our future doctor, Zi Chee, but sorry no claps cox she wants to take photo with me one. I'm not keen also. Haha kidding. Lol I can't think of anything to thank her lah cox her attitude is like ...... I hope you reflect a bit lo. But still thank you for requesting a photo I feel like a star hahah. No lah just joking. I'm hope you become a better person and portray good attitude to everyone around you, looking forward upon your success. =) 

(Sorry if I sounded mean)

When pretty and intelligence comes together it spells Wuan Chien. A generous friend who shares ideas and taught me a lot. I'm grateful to have you.

We took photo twice becox I told her my left profile looks slimmer wtf -_- Anyway I guess everyone knows this girl, she's like a dream girl to every guy. I secretly asked my classmate which girl they desire most and almost everyone voted her. How come there's a person with intelligence (always got number 2 in exams, plus our class is first class,we got a lot of God damn genius one) + pretty (you see her face) + good in sport (800m, 4 x 100m, 4 x 200m, long jump, marathon, badminton all got medals one if I'm not mistaken) + shows leadership qualities in school association & clubs + calligraphy high ranking in Malaysia + shows all good attitudes & probably kindest person in the class. This girl so perfect also no flaws in her life you say la if you're a man won't you love her?!! I'll certainly do with no doubt. But she's my boyfwen already so you all get off :p

Hi, my tuition mate Chia Ying. Thanks for your comforting and cares so so so much, I'm so thankful and I love you. =*

Hi bus mate. Please refer to above gratitude, but still thank you for making jokes and laughter. =DD 

My forever angel. I'll love her until the day I die. Thank you for being there and you know how much I love you? Damn that's too lot to bear :p

A very nice and friendly tuition mate, Yee Zheng. Thank you for being my friend. =D

Also one of the 12 yrs friendship. He's a kind and friendly guy, I hope to see you doing good in future. Thank you so much as a friend. =D

HAHAHAHAHA this damn er xin guy holding my graduation cert he's only 15 yro this year. He's one of xiao bobo best friends and I find them cute and funny hehe. Love all of them I hope they'll stop playing online games (I knw it's impossibruuuu) and wish all the best in their PMR. Jiayou I support you guys.

With my favorite teacher, Pn, Esther who taught us so many things and spend so much effort on us in order for us to score better in SPM. She also made us speak in English with our classmate and spent time teaching us what to do on an interview. Thank you teacher, I love you mwahhh. You're the best ^__^

Then I also took one with Martin's gf, omg so shy x.x

Nothing just find the girl on the left hand side look disgusting with her awkward smile.....

No lah joking hahahahaha.

Yes peace I love you, friends forever ^_^

Ok I'm gross cox no one would use this friend forever anymore. 

k thx bye :p