The horrible me.

Today was a very very unlucky day. The most horrible me in 2012.
Or to say a super lucky day ever happened in my life.

Maybe this sounds confusing but you should decide am I lucky or not after I finished my story of the day.

Was reading history in the class and these happened:

Maybe I should start it another way. So on one fine morning, I received a text demanding me for returning back some books for another people from an anonymous (I borrowed some books). He / she dint sound rude but the first sight I saw the message I was like very fucked up and I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. Damn me. Ok I admit that I hate people who simply text me without mentioning their name, then I'll be like: goddamn where the hell you get my number or who the hell you are.

So I happened to phone that person to find out but unfortunately she dint picked up. I phoned a couple of people but they didn't managed to find out for me. Next I think of another person who might know who was that person so I phoned her (namely x). X knew it but X dint bothered to tell me at once, and I get more and more offended, unreasonably offended.

By the way I somehow found out who was the one who texted me. I was like: BITCH WHY YOU TEXTED ME?!! In the other hand, I should have been realized that everyone has the right to text me, furthermore its really my fault for not returning the books.

Just because I got pissed off too quickly and easily, my mind are all misted with anger and I made an irrational decision. =(

I scolded that girl in front of my mum. I told my mum: WHY THIS GIRL SO BUAY PAISEH SIMPLY TEXT ME DISGUSTING BITCH!!! At the moment I swear my mum tried her best to calm me down and she tried her best to held her anger TOO.

The reason I dislike that girl is because I'd heard she was bitching about me just because ..... a guy (LOLOL this one is they said one har I'm not responsible for remarks above). So when someone you heard who had bitched about you texted you to demand you for something you will surely get angry one right or not??

Maybe not everyone. Just me. I GOT LOUSY EQ ma.

So with my lousy EQ I texted X and said I wanna fuck the girl up and all the fuck fuck things. X keep on asking me why at that moment WHEN I REALLY REALLY ANGRY. I wouldn't wanna answer a single question because you know why. As I said I REALLY REALLY ANGRY already what. After that when I realized this is wrong for me to say so, I texted her: "Ok I don wan to fuck her liao." and I know based on X EQ and IQ together X would ask me why again. So I claim with my answer: I DON'T KNOW HER VAGINA CLEAN OR NOT.

Seriously, I wouldn't believe that I could be so mess up with myself when I got angry.

So the whole text was: I DON'T WANT TO FUCK HER LIAO. I DON'T KNOW HER VAGINA CLEAN OR NOT.
* if I'm not mistaken.

I really dint meant to mention about the vagina thing. It's only because I'm too lazy and tired to explain the whole story like that to X. I thought this could be the good reason.

Then the dooms day happened.

X told that girl I said something about her vagina. LOLOL this is such an awkward thing to say. And I don't really meant that by the time. I don't know whether you guys can feel me or not, I really don't meant it. Even I myself think researching on other's vagina is such a disgusting thing.

DISGUSTING X.X

I WOULDN'T BELIEVE I'VE SAID SUCH THING BEFORE.

Back to the starting sentence:

Was reading history in the class and these happened:

That girl together with some guys came to me and asked me what I've said. In fact they already know.


I attempted not to answer. And after all (I short cut a bit) they are actually demanding for an apologize =.= Serious one need so childish or not? =.= Those were the thing I have done in form 2. I think, where we always gaduh gaduh and bring our "gang" to threat people. Lol. Badass. But at last we be friend after all. We can still talk a lot. *MIRACLE*

Of course I refused to apology. Because I'm childish too, I wan my reputation.

So she and her friends was like forcefully demanding me for a sorry. Its takes them 10 mins, to FAILED. THEY FAILED. To be unproudfully walking away because they din't managed to get what they demanded. I think they not happy. Lol. Badass X2

But seriously the yesterday me, are you me? You need to be so worked up or not!!!

But then I get upset too. I'd always thought saying sorry was an embarrassing thing until I realized I make most of the fault in this case.

If I dint failed to return the books then all these wouldn't have happened.
If I dint got pissed off too easily.
If I keep myself calm all the time.
If I never bothered what people said about me.
If I have been more matured in handling small thing.
If I pay more careful while coping with girls.
If I apologize at first.
If I dint say: don't know her vagina clean or not. :((
and of course:

IF I DINT PUT SO MUCH TRUST IN X.

She's such a betrayer. She was once a time but I try to forget and make myself trust once more. I think I failed.

To the dear X, thanks for bringing me up and make me trust that betrayer is always betrayer. No matter how much you trust them it still wouldn't work out. Thanks for letting me know that no matter how much I pay off are all worthy because it's never too late to realize how terrible a betrayer would be. Thanks for making a lesson that I have learn so much from it. Thanks for brightening up my eyes to come to realize that's such a horrible people around me. Thanks for making me believe that others who was bitching about you are all right. Thanks for proving that rumors are somehow right. Thanks for hurting me to make me trust less in future. Thanks for making me stronger through these small thing. Thanks for stabbing me at my back so that my immune system works better towards back-stabber next time. (ok too much biology)

Sincerely, thank you betrayer =DD
You make me learn too much. Really.

I know I've been a bad ass, as apologizing was actually not a hard task. People who make mistake should have apologize. I should bear my responsible for my remarks. Although I don't mean it but people who heard it somehow can't actually get what I mean. Why not I just try to keep myself calm to handle things rationally?

Because I am hot-tempered and all these thing just happened.

To consider myself as a lucky one, I managed to learn so much from this case. I reflect myself at my worst to make a better me in future. I know I should handle my own temper and I should not talk about dirty thing in future. I should stop saying I wanna fuck people up because I just can't. Lolol. Ok I serious one.

And I also need to thank Joey so much lah, because she spent so much time listening to my problem, she analysed my fault and she advised me to be more careful when I talk. She also got asked me don't so easily got so pissed off and simply scold people lah.

Because once I got very irritated with something then I go and scold her. She's so pity cox she get scolded by me for no reason =(( The next day when I calm down I texted her to apologize. But she forgave me because she said she know I'm not intentional for scolding her. And because SHE IS MY FRIEND. TT

I almost teared when I heard this. I think I teared hahaha. Because I'm too horrible. =((

My new resolution for 2012: Be a better person. I'll try my outmost best to control my temper. And I will treat people around me at my best because all of them deserve it. =)

Guiltiness kills

I'd always felt guilty the moment before I slept and I was all alone in the room. ALL ALONE means no company lah, and no electronic gadgets around. :X

I never stop feeling guilty, but provided my mind are still fresh to refresh all the things I've done in that particular day. Or the previous day. I's always blame myself for not study hard, for not cud up myself with plenty of books, works and revision. I get guilty easily, so I'm dedicated to spend my next day wisely. I planned my time for study, probably its like the whole day and I also think of what to study because as they said:

IF YOU FAILED TO PLAN, YOU PLANNED TO FAIL.

But then I failed my plan. Almost everyday, indeed. And then the next night I was like: I also got planned properly ma, why I still failed? No way I think I should plan a better solution.

And I failed again.

I keep on planning to be wise when I come to use my time. I ALWAYS FAILED. Probably because I am not as dedicated as I thought. Like yesterday, I dint study I single thing. I spend my time online watching those bored stuff instead of study and I still addicted to this so-out-of-trend-game. fml

Just because I never break my brother's record, he hits 200000+

So my mum murmur again. She always get very pissed off when I dint study according with time. I knw right mum. I just can't make it. The ultimate guiltiness filled me again when my mum was complaining. So I brought my books into my room, but still I dint study. Later, I felt bored. I phoned Kang Nian and we chat about his girlfriend, which was my soul mate no.1 wtf. He told me that his gf dint sleep yet so I decided to phone my soul mate instead. We chat so much, and she told me she study until 4.30 a.m. the other night. 

I was like: 4.30 am??!! 

She told me she was sick in the morning so she claim back her study time at night. She is so pro she already got straight A and so many A+ in her trial and she still study so much. 

THE TETRA GIGA MEGA ULTIMATE GUILTINESS WENT UP IN ME AGAIN.

I ask her should I do that too cox it actually sounds like a pro. Imagine some day when ppl came across and ask me did I study, then I say: 

Got lah, I study until 4.30 a.m. in the midnight leh! Chio or not?!

If you secretly think this thought is the idiot ever thought that you have ever seen then u can just ignore it wtf. I also think I am stupid to think like that. 

But anyway, she asked me not to cox this can cause major health problem (soul mate loves) and she thinks this is stupid. Ok I love honest people one :D I think I won't do it too cox I am not that hardworking, seriously. I only planned for a better tmrw and it never worked out. NEVER. 

Later I realized the major problem in myself was I always think that my plan will never work up. (Refer to the last word of the previous paragraph.) This thought have always been in my subconscious and according to The Secret stuff, if you think it is impossible, you can never work out the possible. ME! lolol

I decided to change my mind by telling myself I will 100% work out with my plan. Today was better, its wasn't acheive 100%, maybe it's just 50%, but at least I study quite a lot and I found a lot of question to ask Cavin, my free and full-time teacher lolol. I have done some exercise and I am more prepared for the upcoming exam. I still have to make a lot of improvement, either my studies, or to decrease my guiltiness.

But still, its almost 3 am now. I sleep late I also will feel guilty one lo. Badass :X

An elegant photo of me.

It's so gross and disgusting to praise myself like that. So this was the photo I have taken right before I went to sing-k with all my loves classmate.

This is when we were waiting for the others to catch us up because Zx actually went out earlier. Jon decided to camho so I just lend him my camera. But dafug he actually doesn't have any self shot skills and he took such an awful photo :X The lower part was the photo he took lah so obvious.

After zx finished his phone call, he just grab over the camera while he was halfway driving. Apparently he was on the driver seat. And then taddaaa! He took such a nice photo, nice angle and clearer too and HE WAS DRIVING. So pro right? Ok the main reason I praise him because I think I look quite good in the photo. Good Job! 

Then we also make an ugly expression. zx complained that he is not ugly enough. LOL. This is my first time to hear ppl complained that he himself is not ugly enough.
According to Jon this is his cute face. I supposed I'm the cutest 

Till then. xo. 

SPM 11A+

Living a LIFE

Its like the hardest part of your life, when you have to go through so much thing, and you still have to pay so much for studies. Its so hard, that you have to pretend like nothing ever happened before, and showing to others you that you never fall of from your track.

There's tons of tears behind a shiny smile. I got it finally. Every time i heard this phrase I was like: This phrase very gross leh so meaningless so whatsoever zzz. When i came across it, i finally know how it feels. Its hard to express how it feels, but I konw its nth right at the moment.

So once I feel very desperate for dropping off from my track and I feel like I will and cant ever go back anymore. By the moment I was about to give up, one of my superb awesome ever friend ask me: You know how's the railway built? No right? Because you're born to be on the right track. Now's the time for you to built your own way, to get back to your track. I slowly digested what he said and now I finally know what I supposed to do. I'm building, slowly though, but I swear it would be the best railway of my life. :)

Still counting, 29 days left to SPM. I promise I will do my out most best in my studies and fight for 11 A+. Hey yeaa, I'm coming for you.

I'll be back after SPM I swear. Dear readers, are you still with me? :( *with a very sad voice + puppy eyes*

Wish my luck :*

xoxo