Edge of death

I was fetching four of my friends for dinner at Sushi Zanmai just now. In the midst of driving, I was about to cross an intersection of a main road, to the road in front. The traffic was so massive that I've not enough patient to wait until the probability ties at its maximum, therefore I cross the road, three row of it. I success at the first and second, but when I crossed the third, there was a car driving very fast towards me. I swear it almost hit me, just 2 seconds earlier before I crossed the road. It was so fucking scary and made me felt that I almost lost my life. Shook my spine & froze my heart. 

I blame myself so much, till the second I typed this out. How could I risk my own life, moreover the life of people who I love and love me so much, just because I don't have enough patient to make an assurance cross? This is fucking irresponsible. Why could I have done this? Guiltiness gushed up to me since I've made that decision. I put everyone I love at the edge of death, I made them went through unnecessary fear. Yet they didn't put the blame on me, instead they keep on reminding me to drive carefully since I'm alone on my way back. 

People who love me so much, get treated by me this way. I'm so selfish. I hate myself for risking their life. I hate it when it's my own fault but people don't blame me. They should have, but they didn't. I can see how much fear they had at the moment, my gf who's sitting beside me hold my hand tightly as we were going to die together, all because of my act on impulse. I don't even know how to describe my feeling right now, the only thing I know is, I HATE MYSELF. 

But still, thank god for saving all of us. Thank god that the car slowed itself down in order not to hit me. Thank god for giving me a chance to make things better next time. Thank god for having people who love me around me. I thereafter promised, I will not risk any precious life with my stupid idiot impromptu decision just because I'm impatient. Thank you god for having me here right now, thank you for granting me an opportunity to love my friends even more. I sincerely think I'm the luckiest people on Earth who don't deserve all the loves, mercy and protection. 

Thank you. 

Faded love?

I'm so fucked up now, by all the thoughts that flow into my brain uncontrollably. I said NO but they did without permission. I don't know why... like they just fucking did.  

I was thinking why guys who decided to dump their gf without reason want to have them at the first place? If its for fun, why not prefer playing roller coaster at Genting? What do you guys think love is? How do you actually define love? Do you even sure that you really love that girl when you are in the relationship with her? But if love exist, why do it faded away with a speed of lightning? Why didn't you try your best to save the relationship? Why do you said break up just because it faded? And how possibly that you, HURT A GIRL THAT YOU USED TO TELL YOURSELVES YOU "LOVE" HER VERY MUCH? How can the amount of love that you used to put in in a girl faded so quickly, so much, just in a short period? Explain. 

It's even funny how you used to said she is irreplaceable but has now being replaced by a girl, you met shortly just in a few weeks. 

What does promises meant to guys? 

If you don't meant to make it, what for said it at the first place?

Why is it you are the one who monopolize this whole situation even you used to said you love her more than she loves you? Why it is you are the one who left her without notifying, like you used to burst into her life without permission too? 

Why is it you are the one who gave her the most of the best memories in her life, but also the one who made her mentally broke down in the end? 

If you said she's too inconsiderate, intolerable or she has the weirdest temper on Earth, why can you tolerate for a period but then decided not to tolerate with it anymore? Isn't it just an excuse to make yourself feel less guilty about your sin? 

Tell me how cruel you can be, to make her life this miserable, to make her cry every time she thinks about you, to make her upset on her own, to leave her alone when she needs you the most?

Just because love faded?

 

Do you tell your parents that you wanna broke them up when your love to them faded? Or in different way, do your parent even tell you they don't love you as much as they used to be and they feel like broke up with you just to let you feel hurtless, yes? No. 

Because I don't think love is something that can fades so easily. I never feel any of my love-relationships to everyone around me has ever fade. It's either they hurt me and I started to feel upset about it, or they did something to disappoint me. Else, in which way love should be fading? I don't get it. 

Have you ever thought of it - this love didn't even exist at all? 

Explain again.  

Mobile blogging

Hello I'm here again ^.^ 

Mainly because I'm bored and I don't want to study anymore TT Somebody save me out of here can? Been spending most of the Raya holidays studying and I only managed to catch up with my friend once for 3 hours? This is so petrifying how can my life went this boring TT 

Btw I'm back to blog again because I realized that we can actually blogged thru our mobile phone. Like seriously, I think I haven't been sitting in front of pc for half a year already, because everything that can be done at pc has now transfer into a phone, which I think it's good at some point cause I hate sitting in front of a pc for too long, except when I was watching tv series lah. But recently my bro bought a cable where it can connect the pc to the tv, so we can watch any dramas or movies on a bigger screen, and it makes me even don't have any chance to sit in front of pc! I'm sooooo happy about that.

I have nothing specific to share actually, but I'm very happy because I can blog again lah. It's been sometime since I last blogged, cause I find it very hard to spend time blogging since my college has started. Furthermore, blogging with photos required so many steps, u know right, have to sync photos into the pc, then upload, then wait, then this and that. I dislike all these mahuan works very much. But thru mobile blogging, it didn't even waste your time cause u can direct upload photo from your phone. So far it works quite well for iPhone. Now that I can even select the size of photos I want them to be, this is so great! 😎

So I guess I'll be blogging as frequent as I can! I'm not doing this for any sake, it's purely because I take this as my hobby already, to spend more leisure time typing out my life, might as well relates to yours? 

Ok end of the story. Now I show you photos taken with my phone. Wait!! I found out every photos uploaded to this blog will eventually appeared on my google+ profile. There's quite a lot of ugly photos on there which I haven't deleted but I also hope you all don't go and view la pls 😭

Cause when I said ugly, it must be REALLY UGLY. 😭

Tadaaaa this is the screen of my phone! Cute or not? It's ok I think I'll be the only one who thinks this is cute..... but who cares? I DONT CARE I LOVE IT *twerks*

This is us on the odyssey night, my college doesn't run prom. Its just all student sitting in the hall watching the prom competition. A bit lousy hor? But I'm happy cause everyone's looking great right ^.^ 

 

This is us on Chun Wei's birthday party. Everyone has so much fun on that night and we had alcohol as well cause its 18th birthday right, legal already lah! 😝 

A kid who won four champion in wushu competition, I'm glad he still remembered me. He is cute right ^.^ But excuse me, I don't look good here. 

HAHAHAHA have to post a photo because my best gf bought me this. Wrong, supposed to be QUEUED and BOUGHT for me. I love her very much but unfortunately I don't like this stupid toys anymore I don't even know where are them now HAHA 

This is us celebrating our friend's birthday. So happy cause I think he liked the surprise we gave him. ^.^ 

Then this is me, yesterday before I sleep. Hahaha. 

Alright then see you guys in a bit. Battery dying at 3%. Bye :D 

Positivity

Ever since I went thru a broke up last year, I've learnt so much about positivity. About being positive will bring great things in the future. Being thankful and appreciate because one of the greatest thing that ever happened everyday is we woke up, being alive, and being alive means you have the opportunity to change all the bad things around you, to something better.

It's all these positivity can bring me here today, to make me not to give up on myself. I've always tell myself to hang in there in a little bit more cause things will all be great soon. No one can makes a rainbow, without a little rain. And with all the people who always stay with me despite every situations, I find no reason to give up on myself.

But WHAT IF...

What if the people who used to make you not to give up on yourself turn into the people who make you want to give up?

What if one day people who hates everyone to throw shits on you started to do the same things without realizing themselves are doing it?

What if u realized someone who you spend most of the happy time with are actually the one taking advantage on you?

Where every bad things instantly flow into your brain making all the negative thinking accumulated to a level that they're exploding very soon....?

I'm at a level of typing out all these things can make me feel like bury myself into a hole because yes, I'm mentally broke down.

What I've done to deserve this? I don't know. They said I'm kind, but I don't think so. I have this thing within that I can't refuse people, I called this coward. I'm completely ok with people who take advantages of me, cause I'm so used to ppl taking me for granted already, but with ppl who ignore my text, talking very rude to me, put me aside after they've done using me, it's so unbearable. The amount of hurt is not something u can imagine without experienced it. This is so hard to cope with. Some nights I'd just burst into tears thinking the way these people treated me despite all the effort I put in them, or our friendship.

This is nowhere saddening, and how would I heal over the deep gash I had in my heart?

But being a little positive,  every single shit I went thru, every single time I broke down, I realized that's even more love that I received. Every time I spammed a complaint to my best friends, they'd never failed to make me feel so loved, so blissful to have friends like them around.

Now I guessed I shall move on to be a better person and stay stronger in life. Things will all be greats soon. ;)

Lolol finished ranting so much then now can go study already. Today I have to put more effort on studies cause I've wasted so much time ranting and also I didn't study for the whole yesterday. Wish me luck! Xoxo

End it with my lazy face of ytd while I was lying comfortably on the sofa, too lazy to get my ass up to bed HAHAHA. Ended up watching 2 drama continuously until 2.30am. Bad ass is me :p

 

Bye loves!